SIBLING SUPPORT
Growing up alongside a brother or sister with additional needs brings incredible moments of connection, as well as unique challenges. Discover practical advice and local resources to help every child in your family thrive.
Their experiences in their childhood are changed but let them know that its ok, your family is unique as are all families for one reason or another. Take a moment to think about your own sibling relationships and the influence they had on your development. Through siblings, children learn to openly express a range of emotions, including love, loyalty, anger, rivalry and resilience. They gain companionship, support and learn to give and take. Siblings help teach each other social skills and play a part in each other’s identity.
When one sibling has additional needs, some aspects of the relationship can change enormously.
As a parent, you want to give equal attention to all your children. But when parenting a child with additional needs, that can be difficult. All your children need you, but the care demands of a child with additional needs can take a lot of your time. They see you daily, rushing around and caught for time because you are so busy with appointments and daily care duties. This is the new normal for your family and children generally adapt easily.
Siblings can develop a range of positive qualities such as compassion, insight, responsibility and develop a strong loving relationship with their brother or sister, taking pride in his or her achievements. Of course, there will be times when they worry about their sibling or may be envious of the attention they need and receive. They also attain empathy, tolerance and an understanding of difference.
“While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about”
– Dr Temple Grandin
Supporting Your Other Children When Raising a Child with Additional Needs
As a parent: What can I do?
There are several things you can do to help your child/children in the family when you have child with additional needs.
- Ensure some special time with each of your children.
- Allocate time when answering questions in an age-appropriate manner. Being open and honest can help ease their worries.
- Restrict answers to the question asked. Children will always come back if they need further explanations.
- Provide realistic information about their sibling with additional needs.
- Talk openly about what it feels like to have a brother or sister with an illness or disability.
- Listen to what they say and help them understand that their feelings are normal.
- Give them permission to be embarrassed, guilty, angry, resentful, or whatever they are feeling.
- Understand that children may be worried about their parents as well as their brother/sister with additional needs and reluctant to say so.
- Accept and welcome help from family and friends to maintain activities with your other children and let them help as much as they can with the child with additional needs. Use available Jack and Jill respite care wherever possible to spend valuable time with your other children or as down time for you as parents.
- Your children will want to understand why there are some things that a sibling with additional needs cannot do. Include them in the child’s care and play in a way that suits their age and understanding.
- Try and allocate time for the whole family to spend time or play together, do something as simple as read a book or watch a movie together.
- Home life and routines can change very quickly when a brother or sister is unwell. Parents may need to attend urgent appointments and overnight stays in hospital without much notice. Explain to your other children that they will be looked after, giving them the information about who might be able to do that for you at a moment’s notice (grandparents, aunt, friend or neighbour).
- Endeavouring to maintain the normality of school, after school activities, homework and meals is important. Provide information to your children’s teachers about your family so they can understand and watch out for your child.
- Make sure you repeat discussions if your children do not understand the illness or disability at first. Keep them regularly updated with new information.
- Help your children understand that it is ok that they can have their own friends and pursue their own hobbies and dreams.
“Always remember you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, more beautiful than you imagine and loved more than you know”
– Dorothy Spring
The Positives!
It is easy to highlight the negatives, but keep your family situation in perspective, there are also some wonderful positives, because of additional responsibilities siblings can be more self-confident and independent. They tend to be more adaptable and have good problem-solving skills and often have a good knowledge of a wide range of topics.
All sibling relationships are unique, they provide social and shared family experiences. Bonds between siblings when a brother or sister has additional needs or illness can be the same as those between any siblings, they can be close, distant or anywhere in between. A disability or illness does not define a relationship between a brother or sister, it is only one of several factors that determine the nature of the relationship between brothers and sisters.
In larger family’s siblings can support each other and share extra jobs and supervision.
Your family situation can bind siblings closer together as they share the ups and downs of family life.
Don’t assume that every problem your children and family deal with is due to the demands of your child with additional needs.
Let them be kids, let them fight sometimes like all siblings do, let them enjoy growing up as best you can.
Additional information
Siblings may benefit from art therapy, play therapy and sib workshops which may be available in your area.
Website Links:
Books:
“My Sibling ……. Then me”: is written to assist siblings of special needs children. Take siblings on a journey from frustration to understanding.
Authors: Mini company set up by a group of transition year students in Dunmore Community School. http://wam.dunmorecs.ie
“Views from our shoes: Growing up with a brother or sister with special needs”
Author: Donald Joseph Myres ( Widely available)
Contact Our Family Support Team
If you have any questions, our Family Support Team is always here to help.
Family Enquiry Form
Complete our enquiry form, and our Family Support Team will get back to you shortly
Call Us
Contact our family support team by phone -we’re happy to answer any questions.
